OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
