Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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