He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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