She's JV to your varsity
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
