Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
