I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
only you would photoshop your dick
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
