we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
