dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
