DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
