i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
