I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
