DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
