Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
