So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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