Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
