'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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