If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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