she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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