Please, let me fuck your mom
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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