I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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