dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
