considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
