It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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