the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
