Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Let's get the cat blown out
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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