I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
