I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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