meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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