I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
