have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
