life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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