After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
