Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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