So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
