3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm at about main and main street
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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