Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
