i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
