Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
