Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
