There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
