my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
