you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
