i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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