It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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