I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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