I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
