Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
