gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
