Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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