Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
