accomplished twins. life is a go
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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