Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
