why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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