I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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